Eh, future

Posts like these make me scared--because being a "jack of all trades, master of none" is basically what I have been on track to be through all of my undergraduate education (this whole BMB business with extra chemistry classes). The PI who I sent my CV to who I will be working for this summer saw this as a good thing; he was impressed by my desire to do interdisciplinary research and my varied experiences in the lab. At Reed no one in the chemistry department seems to remember whether I'm a chemistry major or a BMB major because I spent the summer doing organic synthesis. I've been skating between the two departments and following my academic wanderlust since I got to college, and imagine myself doing the same afterwards.

But I worry. I have a few subjects that I am strong in and can be very enthusiastic, but I'm aware that the world is full of people smarter than me. My main strengths are enthusiasm, my breadth of curiosity, and the ability to get very interested in projects. I'm a good student, but not a great student and my transcript is far from perfect. I'm not really cutthroat and when I do well it's because I find some little area that interests me and just dive into it. There's a couple issues at play here: I know I love science enough to want pursue it further but a) do I look good enough on paper to get into good graduate programs? b) where is my place in the scientific community going to be? and c) am I of a competitive enough disposition?

While I feel like I have as solid of a training in organic chemistry as a chemistry major (what classes will I be missing when I graduate? quantum chem and physical chemistry lab) and as solid training in molecular biology as a biology major (I'm missing the population/organismal/evolutionary class requirement), I'm just definitely not (at least right now) approaching it in the traditional "get a grounding in one field and diversify from there" approach at all. The "what the fuck am I doing with my life" question is one I've thought about a lot, and generally all this sorts itself out so I'm not that concerned. But it seems like everyone has a different opinion on what the best way to go in the interdisciplinary sciences is in terms of training, where everything is headed, etc. Also--this is just undergrad--my professor likes to tell us that he studied chemistry (primarily inorganic) in undergrad, got a PhD in organic chemistry, did his postdoc in a physical chemistry group, and now teaches biochemistry and likes to emphasize that--at least in academia--you're constantly re-inventing yourself. My profs keep telling me that no one cares what your degree is called--they care about your research experience and coursework.

I also know I have a full year and a half of school left to ponder these things, and I will likely take time off after that. Fretting is not really productive, and life is full of surprises and changes of plans.